the philosopher's oath

If you are a practicing philosopher, please consider taking this oath:

I, [insert name here], do hereby vow to never use, in speech or in print, the locution "X taught us that Y", where X is a famous philosopher and Y is a claim which they have defended. Furthermore, whenever I read or hear claims of the form "X taught us that Y" made by some other philosopher, I vow to remind myself that mentioning a claim in conjunction with its most famous defender does not constitute an argument for that claim, and that it is a defining feature of philosophy that it should have no dogmas, that all claims are open to question. Finally, I recognize that it is this feature of philosophy which distinguishes it from science, but also which prevents it from degenerating into hollow and dogmatic scholasticism, and I vow to maintain an open mind and protect philosophy from the descent into scholasticism until my dying day, or forfeit my right to practice philosophy.

10 environmental commandments

1. thou shalt trust the government in all things

2. thou shalt honor the scientists and keep them holy

3. thou shalt not hold scientists accountable for past proclamations inconsistent with present ones

4. thou shalt feel guilt in every action

5. thou shalt promote socialism

6. thou shalt labor to perpetuate a society which deserves to crumble into dust

7. thou shalt exalt the animal and denigrate the human

8. thou shalt fight against the industrialization of the third world with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might

9. thou shalt exemplify hypocrisy in all thy actions

10. thou shalt presume understanding of chaos where none can be had